Guest Post by Tricia Bowman Life Coach at In The Groove Coaching.
Divorce will flip your life upside down, no matter what side of the divorce coin you are on. There are so many levels of feelings at all different stages. The waves of change can happen at any time, that is why navigating this next step can be so confusing. Dating after divorce… where to even start?
I would be willing to bet that you have changed now. Your life has changed and maybe the things you thought you once wanted have changed. Not to worry, this is a great place to start.
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- What are the things in your marriage that you enjoyed and how do you want the things in your life now?
- What are areas you need to work on and grow before you may be ready to date, have sex or be in a committed relationship again?
- What are you looking for? Companionship? A hook up? Something to do? Long term relationship? Be honest with yourself here. It may change overtime, but this is going to be really important to know as you start dipping your toes in the dating pool.
How do you know when you’re ready? Experts suggest a year for a frame of reference. From my experience, I do believe it takes a full year to process all the different waves of emotions that arrive, however I think a year is unrealistic. We need and crave human connection. Also, dating is a great way to learn about yourself. The warning here is to not move too fast into a situation. It is very important to gauge your temperature at every step of the way.
Dating After Divorce
It’s okay to practice getting to know people again. I am sure your friend group has changed since the divorce, so getting to know people is a fantastic skill to develop at any stage of life.
Ask questions about their day-to-day life, what lights them up, and who are the important players in their world? Talk about things that matter, steer away from talking about the “sorted” details about your divorce, or bashing your ex.
If you find you are still in that stage or need to process those feelings please seek out a Relationship Coaches, Therapists, or family and friends for that. Learn about the person you’re on a date with, and hopefully discover some new things about you.
Try new activities, learn a new skill or hobby, and use dating as a way to enhance your life. I ain’t gonna lie, dating can be rough sometimes. When I was dating after my divorce, navigating all the dating websites was overwhelming, but on those lonely nights when I didn’t have my son they were appealing.
It is very normal for the process of maneuvering through dating apps to cause you to look at your life differently. Again, refer back to “getting to know yourself.” Change is hard, but I truly believe that if you are open, you will find out some fantastic things about yourself that you may have never learned in your marriage.
Be Clear About Where You Are And What You Are Looking For Right Now
You may not completely know yourself right now and that’s okay, but you have to do your best to navigate where you are at what you are ready for. Baby steps. Trust your gut. If you feel that you’re going too fast then slow it down a bit and go at your pace. Women may be a little more aggressive than they were the last time you dated.No one can be totally ready to start dating after a divorce. It's a process. You have to go out and try a little to see what you think. Try to make it fun. Click To Tweet
If you get so wrapped up in finding your next “forever person,” you might miss some new things that you could learn about yourself along the way. Divorce is not a failure. It is a stepping stone.
There are so many growth opportunities for you to embark on through this new stage. It’s okay to be freaked out. It’s okay to not always be sure. Be honest with yourself and those you are dating after divorce.
Allow yourself to discover new ways of being in a relationship. Keep working on your own personal growth. I truly believe it is the key to happiness in all of our relationships.
About The Author
My name is Tricia Bowman and I help people increase passion & purpose in their day-to-day life, enhance communication, heal past hurts, and find a deeper connection with themselves and the most important relationships around them. I have been coaching individuals, couples, business leaders, and team members for over 15 years. When we find our “groove” in the most important areas of our life, we will have greater happiness, passion, and joy. Learn more about Tricia at www.InTheGrooveCoaching.com